Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
