is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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