Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Someone shattered a urinal.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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