I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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