What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
