oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
