hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
