Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
