and she was petting her beer can
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
