used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
