I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
