I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
