I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
