You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
