He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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