Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
