she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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