I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
17 year olds will be the death of me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize