Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
