No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
