I will die if light touches me.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
