sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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