Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
