I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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