I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
