You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
