We need to rekindle our bromance
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
