Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
