That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
