twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
