Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
