Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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