pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
