He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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