News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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