im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
