now i know why i became what i already was.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
