I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
