What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
