They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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