every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
