We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
