I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've blown a few things in my day
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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