i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
