I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
