So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
