this boner is exhausting
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
