Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize