there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
