I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
