I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
