I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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