I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize