I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
