I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
