My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
