i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
