why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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