he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
