What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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