She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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