after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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