Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
