Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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