he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
