New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
