i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
