he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
