I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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