ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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