i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
