I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
