After last night, I could never be a politician.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
