My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
