i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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