she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
