PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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