I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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