Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
