Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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