bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
