We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
