the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
