I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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