that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I checked into jail on foursquare
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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