I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize