I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
