apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
