Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The air was thick with penises
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
