How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
